My latest ‘failed’ painting was an abstract representation that was to be included in the ‘Lockdown 2020’ series. I had begun to paint an eagle as if it was descending upon its prey with its talons outstretched and the wings spread majestically. It had the potential to be a striking image that expressed the message I was intending to convey. I was applying thick layers of acrylic paint using a pallet knife but as I worked on what would be the tail feathers, I begun to feel as if I shouldn’t continue. Doubt is a debilitating emotion, but I attempted to dispel it with the thought that the thick applications would appear less severe when the picture was seen in its entirety. With the abstract expression paintings, I deliberately aim to focus less on depicting realism but try to convey emotion instead. After all, I have attempted this previously with my paintings entitled ‘Observation’ and ‘Opportunity’, The Sparrow and the Magpie are birds that are equally beautiful. However, the longer I pursued with this image the more I doubted whether I should. It felt as if I was disrespecting the creature by pretending not to notice its beauty and ferocious but graceful power. A silly thought but one that persisted until eventually I had to listen and lay down the palette knife.

I have begun to notice wildlife so much more since painting the creatures that hide in the countryside around us. In particular I am becoming more interested in birds. I’m noticing the incredible hues in feathers that shimmer and change as the light interplays with shadows. Even the blackbird that once I saw as simply ‘black’ I now recognise for its various hues of blues, browns and green highlights. I’m becoming increasingly aware of how incredibly beautiful and perfect nature is. There is a need within me to try and depict that somehow, and on this occasion I felt the perfection of detail was needed to represent the eagle. Its only a matter of time before I listen to this need of mine and I will paint with oils the creature in as much detail as it deserves. Abstract expression can be fun when there is a feeling of disregarding rules, but there are such times when the humble part of me listens and appreciates that nature has its own way of wanting to be seen.